IC Inbox

[onfire]

[ text / video / voice ]

Comments

un: suckerlove (fwd dated to after the cat charity gala)

[bardish]

[ ATTACHED: a selfie of Jeff with a sleek little black cat that looks to be in its gangly feline adolescence. ]

look!! 🐱

finally got a familiar
I'm a real witch now!

un: pozzy

[onfire]

got it from the auction right?
adorable
I put my name in the hat but this works too
I can play w it and u can pick up the poops :)

[bardish]

ohhh see this is awkward because you can't play with me until you clean up after him!
sorry
i don't write the rules

[onfire]

hmm it is
let me add another complication to it
idk if I can play w a cat AND ur ass in the same day
my energy level isnt what it used to be
and if the cat gets to me first
well
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[bardish]

then i guess we're going to have to work on your endurance, old man
because the cat and i both have way too much energy and may be prone to destructive behavior otherwise

[onfire]

hmm maybe kennel training is in order then
you know when Im too exhausted to play with u

[bardish]

well SOMEBODY's feeling his big dom self today

though I guess I can't blame you for picking the cat over me
he's just so darn cute!!
Still needs a name though...

[onfire]

Ill stop flaunting it once you stop loving it

hmm send me a pic of his face again
I need inspiration

[bardish]

ok well I don't see that happening anytime soon so I guess you win

hang on one sec

[ BOOM. A closeup of the cat, wide eyed and perched on Jeff's shoulder like a fuzzy black parrot. ]

[onfire]

he looks like he fell into a pile of soot haha
all you can see is his eyes

[bardish]

soot
sooty
smudge
coal
cinder
lava rock!
ok this might be getting away from me

[onfire]

Coal McSoots

I already feel bad for this cat having us owners lol

[bardish]

[ 'Us', huh??? Jeff might be smiling at that. ]

yeah well i think coal mcsoots is the luckiest cat in the world

wait
hang on...

oh would you look at that!
he just told me that he agrees ;)

[onfire]

[ The royal "us" is totally what he meant because it’s not like they are attached to the hip or anything. It’s not like he would want Jeff to be a permanent fixture in his life or anything... ]

wow I thought all cats were ornery and never did as their owner said
maybe its a dog in disguise

[bardish]

[ No no of course not, not at all, and Jeff doesn't want that either because he's a strong, independent, single man about town!

...right... ]

see there's your first mistake
you can't OWN a cat, man! they're more like roommates. or respectable colleagues!

[onfire]

hmm guess im out of my league here as a wildlife guy
dont get the domesticated ones

so is ur roommate potty trained yet?
and r we seriously calling this poor creature coal mcsoots

1/2

[bardish]

stick with me kid, I'll school you on the wildlife of the suburbs ;)

well he hasn't pissed on my clothes yet so...

[ SOMEBODY USES THE BOX. ]

it's either coal mcsoots or some totally regular name
like ted
or theodore
or logan

2/2

[bardish]

oh my god...

i just subconsciously tried to name our cat after keanu reeves

[onfire]

our cat huh?

[bardish]

you said it first pal
Now you can't weasel out of litter box duty

[onfire]

[ Peter frowns at the response and scrolls back up through their conversation. having us as owners. Yeah, he sure did say it first. Jeff didn't seem to mind, so he won't bring it up again. They will just let it be. ]

damn
cant it just use your backyard beach sand?

[bardish]

[ That's right! BOOM. He showed you! ]

nah I'm in the down right now and I REALLY don't trust this place to be safe for a cat about town...
so for now he's stuck inside with me
He doesn't seem to mind though

un: phil conners

[unforgivably]

( well, this is about time. there's zero drama regarding this but he's feeling scrappy. )

Just how old do you think I am?

[onfire]

[ Is this a trap? This seems like a trap. ]

what did jeff say to you?

[unforgivably]

Just that you think I'm young and irresistible.