[ Jeff shakes his head. ] I wasn't. [ Well, okay that's not totally right either. Sighing, he tries to explain: ] I mean, I was, but that's not why I ran off.
[ He hesitates, then, on the cusp of exposing the roots of his issues, but god... It's a sore subject on his best days, and that's without having just berated his partner for not being a fucking wizard, with all that fresh hurt lying so close to the surface. ]
It's more, um... [ He smiles apologetically, but it's more of a wince. ] More supernatural bullshit. [ Then, looking down, brow furrowing, he tries to explain-- or, like, at least give some kind of preamble to an explanation. ]
Did you have one? The ah... shadow... following you around and acting like some kind of fucked up Jiminy Cricket.
[ More supernatural bullshit. That's at least a reason for Jeff's wild behavior. ]
Not that I remember. You kept my mind pretty occupied the last several days wondering if you were dead in a ditch when you wouldn't reply to my texts.
[ It's not meant to hurt, even if it likely does. But they need to be honest with each other now, or else there won't be any way to repair the damage. ]
[ Jeff frowns, nodding guiltily. It hurts, but not in any pointed, insulting way. No, the hurt comes from knowing just how much harm he did to Peter with his flighty bullshit. He can't even use the possession as an excuse on that front. After all, Jeff was utterly and completely himself when he decided to leave his phone behind. ]
Yeeeaaah... I was... uh. I was being a coward. [ He rubs his neck, then looks at Peter. He owes it to him, at least, to be open and honest and look him in the face while he does it. ] The shadow was... you know. My dark side, I guess? Every awful thing about me in one creepy package. And it wouldn't stop talking, or singing, or-- fuck, I could always see it, Peter. Everywhere, juuuust... out of the corner of my eye.
A lot of people had these shadows, not just me, and I knew it, I knew it was just some mind fuck from this city, and I still let it get to me. So I ran off and got wasted... Not to make it shut up, but just to make it so I wouldn't care anymore. You know?
[ He huffs out an unhappy laugh. ]
Which was stupid. I know. All I managed to do was fuck myself up so bad that it could climb inside and take over. Which was... you know... when you, uh. Found me.
[ Which, god, he's so embarrassed about, on top of everything else. ]
You're talking possession. [ It's not quite a question, but he would like some affirmation on his conclusion. That's the only thing he can really compare it to.
As Jeff hangs his head in shame, Peter reaches out with his good hand to beckon him over. The one not wrapped in a cast. ]
C'mere, babe. [ Come sit on his good side, Jeffy. ] Even if you only were drunk, I wouldn't be tossing you out. You know that, right? We signed a contract together.
[ He's careful with the arm he wraps around Jeff's shoulders. It's not the most comfortable position for his aching ribs, but he's missed his boyfriend. He wants him close. ]
So, whatever you need to tell me, be honest, 'cuz I'm sticking with you.
Yeah. Possession. [ There's an odd, almost defeated way he says it-- possession-- like he's more intimately familiar with it than just the one incident here. He's practically wringing his hands together, head already swimming with anxiety from just the thought of how to even get into the whole messy story, what to tell, what to withhold...
When Peter reaches for him, it's like a lifeline, calming and safe, and he accepts without hesitation. It's a relief to be beside Peter again, after days spent adrift in his own neuroses, and he wants to drape himself all over the other man and be totally obnoxious in his affection... but he's totally injured, so Jeff settles for curling up-- carefully!-- against him. ]
Out of legal obligation, right? [ He's kidding! At least Jeff's sense of humor wasn't totally damaged by this mess. But now it's time to get serious, and he thinks for a moment, before admitting: ]
This isn't the first time I went through the whole... possession... thing. [ Possession thing. What a way to describe it. ] When I was twenty, it was like... [ He makes a face, still thinking, working out how to explain. So he backtracks a little. He figures he has to, not just to make his recent behavior make a bit more sense to Peter, but also because he owes it to the man to be fully open and honest. No more of this half-measure bullshit. ] You know all that stuff I told you about trying to make it big with my band, annnnd then fucking it all up with drugs before I ended up in rehab? Weeellll... I kind of... left out all the magical parts of the story. [ Quickly, he adds: ] It doesn't change anything, I mean, everything I told you was true! It was just, like... haaalf of the story?
[ Peter snorts at that terrible attempt at humor, then lightly smacks him on the head. ]
I think demon possession is a valid reason for keeping quiet. [ He rests his cheek on top of Jeff' head. ] I don't know a lot, but I can imagine someone would be more susceptible if they've been possessed before. How did you beat the... demon the first time?
I think I'm just a lot more susceptible because of who I am. Like there's
just... [ Something wrong with him. Jeff huffs out a breath and
shakes his head, leaning into Peter. ] Fuck, I don't know what I'm
saying.
[ As for how he got rid of the first one? ]
Anyway. The first time was different. The demon was more like the world's
worst imaginary friend. [ He glances up at Peter, smiling faintly.
] I started calling it Ziggy-- Stardust, not the little comics dude
in the paper. You spend enough time with somebody, you've gotta give 'em a
name, right?
It never took over-- it couldn't, not without the right ritual. [ To
clarify: ] Spell. I remember, it used to get so upset because it
could only watch me live in the world, but it couldn't ever experience
anything for itself. We were trapped with each other, so... It must have
been torture for Ziggy. Just as much as it was for me.
I couldn't figure out how cut our connection, and I wouldn't give it what
it wanted. [ No, that's not entirely honest. Jeff grimaces.
] Couldn't, I mean. I did try, once. Totally fucked up the spell in
front of everyone, alienated all my fiends, hit bottom, the whole VH1
Behind the Music special. That's how I ended up in rehab, which, ah...
wasn't exactly rehab so much as it was a recovery program for Gifted
fuckups. Getting sober was only part of the program, the rest was...
therapy, meditation, learning all kinds of healthy coping skills-- okay, so
it was pretty much the same as any drug treatment program. But with magic!
And... I had to get healthy in here-- [ He taps his chest, over his
heart. ] --before I could start working out the spell I needed to
sever whatever it was that tied us together. Which is hard enough to do
without a fucking monster in your head. Some days I still couldn't tell if
I was awake or dreaming. [ Jeff reaches for Peter's hand and smiles
at him again. ] But I got through it thanks to the support of
other people. [ Here, enjoy more of his corny humor! ] They
helped me feel strong enough to cast my own medically prescribed exorcism.
[ Ah. That would explain why his Ziggy Stardust joke went over like a lead balloon. He's had his own inner demons to contend with, but they've never manifested physically and seduced him with promises of fame and fortune. Mainly his impotence taunted him in his dreams.
He can't offer much really, demons and possession were not things he really believed in until recently, but Peter holds him firmly against him, stroking his arm up and down as he plants kisses in his salty hair. Apparently his boyfriend's been visiting the ocean recently. ]
[ Jeff smiles warmly at him, reaching a hand up to touch Peter's face and direct his next kiss right on his boyfriend's lips. This feels right, like they fit just right against each other, even after Jeff had done his best to try and fuck everything up.
...
Unfortunately, Jeff probably tastes like a combination of saltwater and the stale aftermath of a rave-turned-orgy right now, soooo... sorry about that, Peter. ]
And I'm glad you're taking me back. [ He looks Peter in the eyes, quiet for a moment, working himself up to say what's on the tip of his tongue. ] I really like you. I mean. A lot. I like you a lot. Like... A lot a lot, Peter.
I like you, too, babe. A lot a lot. [ He gives Jeff a soft smile and is happily drawn back into that stubbly, stinky kiss. No tongue, though, Jeff. You're a little too ripe for that. ] I've missed waking up beside you the last couple mornings, and I really don't want that to happen again.
[ His smile gets all nice and dreamy when Peter says that. All of that. Liking him a lot a lot, missing him in their bed... ]
I like waking up to your face in the morning. It's my favorite face to wake up to.
[ Okay.
He can say the words. ]
I might've fallen in love with your face.
[ No, wait, NO HE MESSED IT UP. ]
I mean you! I love you! And your face, too, of course, I mean it's part of the package, but it's the package that I've kind of fallen in love with, and-- fuck, I know there's all these unspoken rules about when you can say that to somebody, but that's bullshit, right? Feelings don't happen on a timeline! Fuck the rules! I'm a rebel and I love you!
[ This is why he sticks with this guy, because he's so genuinely silly and Peter can't get enough of it. The one thing he regrets about this moment is that he can't pull his boyfriend into his lap with a suave spin. All he can do is laugh at that airheaded comment. ]
You are ridiculous, and I love it. I love you. I haven't felt like this in a long time.
[ It's okay, Peter, Jeff's got you. Very, very gingerly, he maneuvers himself onto Peter's lap, mindful of his delicate state. He's grinning, and he can't stop, because it feels so freaking awesome to hear Peter say it back to him. ]
Right on.
[ Like he's totally chill and cool and casual, a very level headed dude, even though they both know he isn't. Case in point: his ditzy rant of a love confession just moments ago. ]
It's been a long time for me, too. When I'm with you, it's like... I'm enough, the way I am. [ And the unspoken, implied part is: he hopes Peter feels he's enough as he is, too, despite Jeff pulling some elitist crap over Peter being too normal, back when he was possessed. ]
Also, can you please tell me the story of Peter and the Wolf, because I really have to know what happened!
You're more than enough, babe. In fact, we both know you're way too much.
[ And he says that with all endearing and loving sincerity. Jeff is a man perpetually turned up to eleven emotionally, spiritually, physically. It's wonderful, frustrating, exciting, and it makes him feel young again. ]
Hey, how about you take a shower first, and then I tell you about losing to a giant wolf.
[ Right. It's been days. To his credit, he manages to look chagrined as he realizes just how ripe he must be right now. Jeff taps his forehead against Peter's (in lieu of subjecting him to another "liquor and old sushi" flavored kiss) before disentangling himself from the other man's lap. ]
I'll make it quick. And thorough! A very quick, thorough deep clean! [ Jeff holds up a finger as he starts to walk towards the bathroom. ] Be right back.
[ This gives him time to take another round of painkillers—oh, and get his heart rate back to normal. It's making everything sore as the heavy beat of his pulse aggravates swelling and bruising. Annoying, but Peter wouldn't change it. He's got Jeff back, and that's worth any weird wolf mauling. ]
[ Eager as he is to get back to Peter, Jeff takes a little longer than usual in the shower. After the days he's had, he's positively revolting, so... you know. It takes some extra effort before he feels properly clean again.
Eventually, though, he comes back into the living room in a clean pair of sweatpants and a shirt, Soots trailing after him (all casual, like it's just a coincidence that they're heading into the room, and no, he absolutely will not allow Jeff to pet him again until he feels as if his human has been properly chastised by his shunning). ]
So I might have used up all the mouthwash...
[ Which means his mouth finally doesn't taste like a sewer anymore! ]
You need anything, babe?
[ Before it's time to sit down and talk about THE BIG BAD WOLF. ]
[ You know who Soots does sit with? Peter. He jumps right up on the couch and fixes himself in Peter's lap with a quick stretch. ]
Can't think of anything. [ His smile isn't as bright as usual, but that could be because of the painkillers. Or it could be because he's still a little wary of Jeff's change of heart. ]
[ Peter lets him, the feeling in his fingers tingling from the comforting touch. ]
This one especially. Although, it was more of a werewolf. Wrong place, wrong time.
[ After a few pets for Soots, he leans back to look at Jeff eye-to-eye. That thick hair of his is still damp and very conducive to pulling. ]
I put a few bullets in him and he... I guess he transformed back. Called an emergency number and got us both some help. Seemed like a nice guy after that, actually.
[ A small laugh comes out of him, and he immediately regrets it. ]
[ Jeff smiles, because at least the story ended with a nice, responsible werewolf calling for help, instead of, like, death and mayhem. But then he winced in sympathy as Peter is CLEARLY not up for laughing! ]
Is it inappropriate for me to say that although I am a pacifist and I hate guns... the mental image of you shooting a rampaging wolf-man is very attractive?
[ He's only, like, 60% joking. But then, Jeff chews on his lip in thought and then, seriously, adds: ]
Do you think he was, uh... you know. Possessed? By the shadow things.
Yeah? [ In the moment, and the next day, he hadn't thought of it as "attractive" since he had been fighting for his life. But now that he's rehashed it with thoughtful sanitization, yeah, it's pretty damn slick. ]
It might've triggered it. Pushed him over the edge... Bit the hell out of my arm. I'm just glad I didn't have to empty my clip into him.
[ A stranger might not see the subtle shift in Peter's face when the implication finally dawns on him, but Jeff probably does. His eyes widen just a little, his brow slowly rises up. He'd never thought about complications outside of, say, a treatable infection. In this place, he could actually get turned.
He hates this place!]
I... He didn't say anything about... that potential problem.
[ Usually Peter is the comforting one, but right now he needs some reassurance. Jeff, is he going to become a bloodthirsty werewolf?! ]
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[ He hesitates, then, on the cusp of exposing the roots of his issues, but god... It's a sore subject on his best days, and that's without having just berated his partner for not being a fucking wizard, with all that fresh hurt lying so close to the surface. ]
It's more, um... [ He smiles apologetically, but it's more of a wince. ] More supernatural bullshit. [ Then, looking down, brow furrowing, he tries to explain-- or, like, at least give some kind of preamble to an explanation. ]
Did you have one? The ah... shadow... following you around and acting like some kind of fucked up Jiminy Cricket.
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Not that I remember. You kept my mind pretty occupied the last several days wondering if you were dead in a ditch when you wouldn't reply to my texts.
[ It's not meant to hurt, even if it likely does. But they need to be honest with each other now, or else there won't be any way to repair the damage. ]
So, you had a shadow...
[ Tell him ALL about it. ]
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Yeeeaaah... I was... uh. I was being a coward. [ He rubs his neck, then looks at Peter. He owes it to him, at least, to be open and honest and look him in the face while he does it. ] The shadow was... you know. My dark side, I guess? Every awful thing about me in one creepy package. And it wouldn't stop talking, or singing, or-- fuck, I could always see it, Peter. Everywhere, juuuust... out of the corner of my eye.
A lot of people had these shadows, not just me, and I knew it, I knew it was just some mind fuck from this city, and I still let it get to me. So I ran off and got wasted... Not to make it shut up, but just to make it so I wouldn't care anymore. You know?
[ He huffs out an unhappy laugh. ]
Which was stupid. I know. All I managed to do was fuck myself up so bad that it could climb inside and take over. Which was... you know... when you, uh. Found me.
[ Which, god, he's so embarrassed about, on top of everything else. ]
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As Jeff hangs his head in shame, Peter reaches out with his good hand to beckon him over. The one not wrapped in a cast. ]
C'mere, babe. [ Come sit on his good side, Jeffy. ] Even if you only were drunk, I wouldn't be tossing you out. You know that, right? We signed a contract together.
[ He's careful with the arm he wraps around Jeff's shoulders. It's not the most comfortable position for his aching ribs, but he's missed his boyfriend. He wants him close. ]
So, whatever you need to tell me, be honest, 'cuz I'm sticking with you.
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When Peter reaches for him, it's like a lifeline, calming and safe, and he accepts without hesitation. It's a relief to be beside Peter again, after days spent adrift in his own neuroses, and he wants to drape himself all over the other man and be totally obnoxious in his affection... but he's totally injured, so Jeff settles for curling up-- carefully!-- against him. ]
Out of legal obligation, right? [ He's kidding! At least Jeff's sense of humor wasn't totally damaged by this mess. But now it's time to get serious, and he thinks for a moment, before admitting: ]
This isn't the first time I went through the whole... possession... thing. [ Possession thing. What a way to describe it. ] When I was twenty, it was like... [ He makes a face, still thinking, working out how to explain. So he backtracks a little. He figures he has to, not just to make his recent behavior make a bit more sense to Peter, but also because he owes it to the man to be fully open and honest. No more of this half-measure bullshit. ] You know all that stuff I told you about trying to make it big with my band, annnnd then fucking it all up with drugs before I ended up in rehab? Weeellll... I kind of... left out all the magical parts of the story. [ Quickly, he adds: ] It doesn't change anything, I mean, everything I told you was true! It was just, like... haaalf of the story?
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I think demon possession is a valid reason for keeping quiet. [ He rests his cheek on top of Jeff' head. ] I don't know a lot, but I can imagine someone would be more susceptible if they've been possessed before. How did you beat the... demon the first time?
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I think I'm just a lot more susceptible because of who I am. Like there's just... [ Something wrong with him. Jeff huffs out a breath and shakes his head, leaning into Peter. ] Fuck, I don't know what I'm saying.
[ As for how he got rid of the first one? ]
Anyway. The first time was different. The demon was more like the world's worst imaginary friend. [ He glances up at Peter, smiling faintly. ] I started calling it Ziggy-- Stardust, not the little comics dude in the paper. You spend enough time with somebody, you've gotta give 'em a name, right?
It never took over-- it couldn't, not without the right ritual. [ To clarify: ] Spell. I remember, it used to get so upset because it could only watch me live in the world, but it couldn't ever experience anything for itself. We were trapped with each other, so... It must have been torture for Ziggy. Just as much as it was for me.
I couldn't figure out how cut our connection, and I wouldn't give it what it wanted. [ No, that's not entirely honest. Jeff grimaces. ] Couldn't, I mean. I did try, once. Totally fucked up the spell in front of everyone, alienated all my fiends, hit bottom, the whole VH1 Behind the Music special. That's how I ended up in rehab, which, ah... wasn't exactly rehab so much as it was a recovery program for Gifted fuckups. Getting sober was only part of the program, the rest was... therapy, meditation, learning all kinds of healthy coping skills-- okay, so it was pretty much the same as any drug treatment program. But with magic! And... I had to get healthy in here-- [ He taps his chest, over his heart. ] --before I could start working out the spell I needed to sever whatever it was that tied us together. Which is hard enough to do without a fucking monster in your head. Some days I still couldn't tell if I was awake or dreaming. [ Jeff reaches for Peter's hand and smiles at him again. ] But I got through it thanks to the support of other people. [ Here, enjoy more of his corny humor! ] They helped me feel strong enough to cast my own medically prescribed exorcism.
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He can't offer much really, demons and possession were not things he really believed in until recently, but Peter holds him firmly against him, stroking his arm up and down as he plants kisses in his salty hair. Apparently his boyfriend's been visiting the ocean recently. ]
I'm just glad you came back to me.
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...
Unfortunately, Jeff probably tastes like a combination of saltwater and the stale aftermath of a rave-turned-orgy right now, soooo... sorry about that, Peter. ]
And I'm glad you're taking me back. [ He looks Peter in the eyes, quiet for a moment, working himself up to say what's on the tip of his tongue. ] I really like you. I mean. A lot. I like you a lot. Like... A lot a lot, Peter.
[ ELOQUENT. ]
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I like waking up to your face in the morning. It's my favorite face to wake up to.
[ Okay.
He can say the words. ]
I might've fallen in love with your face.
[ No, wait, NO HE MESSED IT UP. ]
I mean you! I love you! And your face, too, of course, I mean it's part of the package, but it's the package that I've kind of fallen in love with, and-- fuck, I know there's all these unspoken rules about when you can say that to somebody, but that's bullshit, right? Feelings don't happen on a timeline! Fuck the rules! I'm a rebel and I love you!
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You are ridiculous, and I love it. I love you. I haven't felt like this in a long time.
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Right on.
[ Like he's totally chill and cool and casual, a very level headed dude, even though they both know he isn't. Case in point: his ditzy rant of a love confession just moments ago. ]
It's been a long time for me, too. When I'm with you, it's like... I'm enough, the way I am. [ And the unspoken, implied part is: he hopes Peter feels he's enough as he is, too, despite Jeff pulling some elitist crap over Peter being too normal, back when he was possessed. ]
Also, can you please tell me the story of Peter and the Wolf, because I really have to know what happened!
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[ And he says that with all endearing and loving sincerity. Jeff is a man perpetually turned up to eleven emotionally, spiritually, physically. It's wonderful, frustrating, exciting, and it makes him feel young again. ]
Hey, how about you take a shower first, and then I tell you about losing to a giant wolf.
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A shower? Why-- ohhhh.
[ Right. It's been days. To his credit, he manages to look chagrined as he realizes just how ripe he must be right now. Jeff taps his forehead against Peter's (in lieu of subjecting him to another "liquor and old sushi" flavored kiss) before disentangling himself from the other man's lap. ]
I'll make it quick. And thorough! A very quick, thorough deep clean! [ Jeff holds up a finger as he starts to walk towards the bathroom. ] Be right back.
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[ This gives him time to take another round of painkillers—oh, and get his heart rate back to normal. It's making everything sore as the heavy beat of his pulse aggravates swelling and bruising. Annoying, but Peter wouldn't change it. He's got Jeff back, and that's worth any weird wolf mauling. ]
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Eventually, though, he comes back into the living room in a clean pair of sweatpants and a shirt, Soots trailing after him (all casual, like it's just a coincidence that they're heading into the room, and no, he absolutely will not allow Jeff to pet him again until he feels as if his human has been properly chastised by his shunning). ]
So I might have used up all the mouthwash...
[ Which means his mouth finally doesn't taste like a sewer anymore! ]
You need anything, babe?
[ Before it's time to sit down and talk about THE BIG BAD WOLF. ]
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Can't think of anything. [ His smile isn't as bright as usual, but that could be because of the painkillers. Or it could be because he's still a little wary of Jeff's change of heart. ]
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He returns the dimmed smile, his own still laced through with guilt, and joins Peter on the couch again.
Carefully, this time. Gently, trying to avoid aggravating any injuries (physical and emotional), he reaches for Peter's good hand. ]
So... Wolves, am I right? What assholes...
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This one especially. Although, it was more of a werewolf. Wrong place, wrong time.
[ After a few pets for Soots, he leans back to look at Jeff eye-to-eye. That thick hair of his is still damp and very conducive to pulling. ]
I put a few bullets in him and he... I guess he transformed back. Called an emergency number and got us both some help. Seemed like a nice guy after that, actually.
[ A small laugh comes out of him, and he immediately regrets it. ]
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Is it inappropriate for me to say that although I am a pacifist and I hate guns... the mental image of you shooting a rampaging wolf-man is very attractive?
[ He's only, like, 60% joking. But then, Jeff chews on his lip in thought and then, seriously, adds: ]
Do you think he was, uh... you know. Possessed? By the shadow things.
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It might've triggered it. Pushed him over the edge... Bit the hell out of my arm. I'm just glad I didn't have to empty my clip into him.
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[ Wait. Jeff looks at Peter with renewed concern as the pieces start coming together. ]
Hang on. Peter. You were bitten... by a werewolf...
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He hates this place! ]
I... He didn't say anything about... that potential problem.
[ Usually Peter is the comforting one, but right now he needs some reassurance. Jeff, is he going to become a bloodthirsty werewolf?! ]